There’s been one helluva groundswell for the Urban Lumberjack obsessed with
simplicity – whodda thunk in this age of OTT gadgetry, I can’t believe hipsters are still a thing! I had no idea facial hair, horn-rimmed glasses and a cap were so attractive. Now team that with a red flanno shirt, tight blacks, and a fixie and you just stumbled on one helluva powerful combination – a ticket to nascent social success. But let’s not be distracted by the giddy heights of social success, fixies and fixieists (yeah that’s a thing), are the real focus here.
Fixies are everywhere, in every colour combination imaginable and in varying degrees of purity. That is to say, simplicity. For to have brakes on a fixed-gear bike may be safe, but it’s damned near blasphemy for the purists. Anything other than a bare frame and a chain is a bloody eyesore. One has to suffer for their art, in the form of obscenely large thighs. And in the case of a fixie rider, this may also mean maiming or death from failure to slow-the-fuck-down in time. At least they’ll make a pretty, albeit hirsute, corpse.
Fixieists are generally pretty hardcore cyclists as it goes. They’re the one’s speeding past you at top speed but making it look effortless. They’re also the lycra-clad couriers, and the 20-30-somethings who are extremely skilled on their bikes. Their bike being more of an extension of their own body than a vehicle that gets you from A to B. Have you ever been witness to fixie-soccer? Nothing like it! Much like a seal out of water they too are all awkward on land, (without their fixed-gear metal horse). Once back in the saddle though, they’re full of grace. To watch a fixie in action is like seeing a dolphin or (less girlie), a falcon, as it weaves its way effortlessly through traffic and questionable town-planning.
The delightful oversight has been that these hardcore, graceful riders of trend are just like 12 year old girls in love. You see, just like a 12 year old playing with her beloved My Little Pony, the fixie owner delights in mixing and matching brightly coloured accessories for their own sweet iron horse. Both are avid savers of their hard-earned pennies. Money they’re only too happy to blow on the precious object of their desire. The fixieists saving up for the next big (and usually bright), thing they simply must have, in order to stand out from all the rest. Everything, from the seat post to the chain, can be colour co-ordinated to perfection, perilously small handle-bars add to the die-hard fixie look, and colourful in-line rims or 5-fingered Aerospokes are currently de rigour. I’ve even seen these rims on a non-fixie “mum-bike”, which was hilarious, but at the same time really rather cool, just quietly. And, as happens, just like the Dane riding it proudly through Østerbro with her three year old in the back seat.
They fascinate the hell outta me, but I value my life and the size of my thighs – so for now I’ll be content to simply stand aside and nod approvingly. But if you’re braver (see also trendier), than me then I think you should visit The Fixiest in Copenhagen – it’s the fixiest you can be! And that says a lot.